I feel I must write a blog post today. For whatever reason, I am feeling blah. Maybe I just need a vacation. I true vacation, not just a day or two off here and there. But I’m really not enjoying my job.
I really wish I could somehow get another job of comparable pay and benefits that doesn’t involve computers except at a tool to aid me in my work. I don’t want to be a developer anymore. I don’t want to sit in front of a computer every day writing code. I’ve done it for almost 8 years now and I’m tired of it.
But herein lies the problem. I don’t have experience doing anything else. Sure, I worked at a public library for 6 months back in the day, but that’s not real experience to qualify me to be a librarian. There’s a job opening for an assistant manager at a local bookstore. If it didn’t mean a huge cut in pay and benefits, I’d apply. I’ve always dreamed of working in a bookstore or library.
We’ve talked about someday moving back to Florida, but the thought of doing that dreaded job search and knowing I can only look for another developer job just feels like a vise on my heart. I know what my husband feels every time he gets thisclose to quitting his job because he just can’t stand it. It sucks to be so miserable at your day job (where you spend more time than at home) and know that you just can’t up and quit and find something else because you have a family that depends on that income. I understand completely how he feels and I hate that we are both in that situation with seemingly no way to fix it.
We have way too much debt and daycare to just go for a change without thinking of the repercussions. And that makes things even worse. So I sit here trying to keep it together while I plug away at the same freaking project I’ve been working on for the past year or more trying to get something to work so I can move on and maybe at least tolerate my job.
I hate that I haven’t updated in a while. Life and other internet fun has taken me away from my blog/journal. Sadly. I find the idea of maintaining a blog tedious and much too time-consuming at the moment. Not to mention that mostly what I have to say is pretty boring…all about my day which usually consists of work then home to feed and clean up Amelia, play with her for a bit then bed time, after which I sit and spin or knit til my own bedtime. Yeah, that’s my day in a nutshell, so what else do I really have to write about?
I could go all intellectual and write about meaningful topics, but that would be more like a chore rather than a fun hobby and these days, I’d rather not spend any more time in front of the computer than I have to. I’m getting sick of my programmer job and would much rather be spinning or knitting if not spending time with my family.
My site is very “done up” for not having much interesting content. And content is more important than appearance, as made obvious by all the many blogs out there that are pretty basically laid out but get so many hits, anybody and everybody has heard of them.
So I’m sort of at a standstill about what to do with this site. The only active part of the entire site is Amelia’s gallery, which gets updated regularly for the grandparents who are in another state. Not even my knitting site gets much action, as I prefer to spend my time on ravelry than on the blog.
So should I tear it down or leave it up? Should I simplify it? Should I even bother at all? I don’t know. I had come up with a basic redesign a while back that is similar to what Amelia’s gallery looks like and it was meant to sort of unify the entire site, but desire to actually change it just isn’t there.
I’m just into blogging anymore. But I know the second I take it down, I’ll wish it was back up. That’s just the way it goes.
Seems like lately I only post once a month. I need to get better at updating this place. Anyway, let’s see. A lot has happened in the last month. For one, it was the Christmas holidays.
We spent Christmas in FL again with family, even though we hadn’t planned on it. Spur of the moment decision to go down for the 25th, instead of afterwards. But it turned out nice. Amelia got a ton of stuff, of course and it was interesting packing it all in the car. But we did it. I was glad to get the holidays over with. I hate that 8-9 hour drive. VERY MUCH!
Amelia is doing well otherwise. Our major milestone since the last update is that she is finally getting her FIRST TOOTH!!! At 14 months, just like her momma. Yep, she’s a bit behind on getting teeth, but oh well. No wonder she had a bad diaper rash this past week. LOL! She is into everything. She can climb on grandma’s couch, but ours at home is a bit too high for her. She can climb into the tub with assistance and she can climb into her rocking chair. Of course, the little stinker wants to stand up in it as well.
Her ears are doing good so far. Thankfully, and we had one bout of the flu that gave her a very messy ear infection, but she fared it well and the doc said it was more messy than painful.
DH’s cousin (who is due in April) is getting a bunch of our old baby stuff that we no longer need and I’m very glad to get it out of our garage. :) His other cousin is due any day now and we are excitedly waiting for the news.
I’m learning to weave and loom knit. It’s been fun and I have a ton of projects on my plate now. Keeps me busy, as if running after a toddler and working full-time doesn’t keep me busy enough already. LOL! DH got an xBox 360 so he’s been playing it like crazy with his friends online. Ugh! But I’ve played quite a bit as well. It’s something we can do together and while Amelia plays on the floor with her own toys, so it’s a nice way to spend the evening, especially since our favorite shows were on reruns.
So that’s the gist of our month. Maybe next time I’ll update a bit sooner.
Lagging 
07 December 2007
I’m so behind on blogging. Guess life has gotten in the way and my updates aren’t as frequent as they used to be. Oh well. It happens. It’s not like I have that many visitors anyway.
So Amelia is doing well with her tubes so far. We got a clean bill of health at her followup. Yeah! It was so nice to see a doctor and not get the news of an ear infection. I hope this continues. She will be 14 months old in 10 days and she still hasn’t gotten any teeth. Know what she wants for Christmas? Her 2 front teeth! LOL! I had to do it. Actually any teeth would be wonderful. She’s been extra fussy the last few nights, so I’m wondering if we finally might see a few teeth pop in soon. Crossing our fingers.
She’s at the separation anxiety stage heavily now. She literally clings to my pants and buries herself in my legs every day when I drop her off at daycare. It breaks my heart to leave her there. She spends more time there than at home and it’s hard to come to terms with but I don’t have much choice.
She saw Santa this weekend when we went to Florida to visit family and she did not like it. The pictures show her with her mouth wide open, red-faced, screaming! It’s cute though and will be a great memory.
Other than that, there really isn’t much other news. I’ve been working on some crochet gifts for her teachers, trying to get the house organized and working.
I’m once again having inadequacy issues. I feel like I’m not doing as much as I should, as a wife, in the home, as a mom, at work.
My house is a wreck, I keep forgetting stuff for daycare, I feel like I’m missing too many days of work and not getting anything done. And I feel like I’m neglecting my husband. Not sure what to do about it all, except to forget that I’m my own person and start focusing on everything and everyone else so that things get accomplished and finished and done, etc.
I’m still sort of in a budget crunch so I have no idea how I’m going to manage Christmas this year. I’ve only bought Amelia one gift. I haven’t even thought about what to do for her teachers or my secret Santa at work, much less the rest of my family. My house is a mess and needs a good cleaning (as in mopping, vacuuming, dusting, etc). I really need some help with Amelia, because lately I’ve been getting so frazzled trying to do everything myself since DH was sick or gone. I’m hoping her ear tubes will keep her from getting sick so much, so I won’t have to miss as much work.
Plus, I’d like to find a little more time to get some of my knitting projects done. I’m starting to loathe the fact that they take forever to finish. It’s getting ridiculous. I never get to start anything new, because I’m still working on the same ‘ol stuff I’ve been working on for the past several months or even years. But that’s something for me and we all know that moms don’t get to do stuff for themselves very often.
We must always put husbands and children and home before ourselves. So maybe those will never get done. Which wouldn’t be so bad if I at least felt that the rest was getting done. But it’s not getting done either. And I don’t know why because I feel like I’m constant doing stuff. And I feel like I’m getting pressure to sit and watch television with my husband, which would be spending quality time with him and it should count, but then I feel I should be doing something else instead of just sitting there.
I guess I’m in a no-win situation and it’s starting to get a little overwhelming.
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